All my life,
I have just been waiting for this moment to be free…

This post has little to do with Alicia, although as I sit here with my iPhone right above my keyboard, the juxtaposition of the creative process seems so similar, and the image seems that more fitting. The beauty of having a blog is that I can comment on any feeling that may arise, without having to worry about tone or the approval of an editor. And it’s my only hope that by writing from an honest place, I might be able to reach out to anyone who’s feeling similarly.

Earlier this week, I read a piece in the August issue of Essence, on living fearlessly. It’s one of those concepts that people throw around, a sort of New Year’s resolution some aspire to after a bad breakup, when they resolve to dust off old dreams to heal new scars. It’s one I never reference, because the concept is one I’ve never felt possible for myself.

I’m the most cautious person I know. Ever since I was a kid, I weigh every option, and if one side seems even slightly uncertain, I retract my hesitant footsteps. The water’s too deep. That rollercoaster is too fast. One of the reasons airplanes freak me out is that I feel suspended in uncertainty over a long period of time, with no ground under me to fall back on when things get scary.

Lately I feel like I’m sitting on the edge of a pool. My bathing suit is on, my feet are splashing in the water, and I’m sitting alongside friends. I’m watching some dive right in, trying laps and soaring. Each friend eases into the water, and lets go. Some team up and help each other into the water, and they swim along together. I ease in slowly, one leg after the other, but I pull myself out when the water feels too cold. Sometimes frustrated and willful, I jump right in, determined to swim, to just fight through the fear, but when I feel my body letting go, I race back to the ledge, feeling safe, secure, and defeated.

Ironically, for the part of me that is cautious, there’s another part that is crazy bold. The part that chose journalism over medical school. The writer part that conveys all the ideas I struggle to say in person. The part that survived three corporate layoffs by getting right back in the ring swinging. Being an idealist is probably my boldest trait, because it’s based on hope and courage.

Well, in my life, if there ever was a time for hope and courage, it’s now. In every aspect of my life, all roads are leading to a leap. And I’m scared.

I could cut my losses, write off the unfamiliar, and reach for the ledge. Even though my heart wants so much more. Even though I’m capable of so much more than I probably know.

Living fearlessly may be something I’ll figure out eventually. Odds are I’ll always be a little hesitant, and that’s ok. But the courageous part is ready to let go of the ledge. A little.

I could close my eyes, kiss deeply, risk a broken heart and experience a lifetime of love or a whirlwind romance, instead of just reading about them. I could let go of the familiar path, and influence others far beyond my Facebook page.

If I could just string the glimmering moments of courage together, I could form a steady glow. Fingertip by fingertip, I’m starting to believe.

Brown sugar, flyer than Sanaa Lathan…

Fellow Queens Village compadre Gist The Essence just released “Diamonds and Pearls” the lead single from his Summer Madness 2 mixtape. I literally fell in love with this track when he performed it at his Club Rebel show earlier this month, and I’m thrilled to share.

Gist The Essence feat. Corte Ellis: \"Diamonds & Pearls\"

Left this world a little better just because I was here…

Growing up, there were three albums that I identified with my emerging womanhood: What’s The 411?, Janet, and The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. Although I was just a kid when they were released and barely even knew a boy, I knew the emotions in the music would eventually have something to do with them. I had a bootleg copy of Mary J. Blige’s What’s the 411? My mom used white out to write my name on the tape so I wouldn’t lose it at summer camp. All summer, I sang “Real Love” and “You Remind Me” with my friends on the bus with total conviction. Head shaking and hand waving, like I had lived a whole lifetime.

I had just started dancing seriously when Janet was released. Janet Jackson was the reason I wanted to dance, and my instructor used the album as the backdrop for class. The iconic Rolling Stone cover, That’s The Way Love Goes and its mellow groove, and the sexy choreography from the If video I can still do in my sleep, were symbols of what it meant to be a woman in my young eyes. Later on, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill was the go-to album for finding my voice. I haven’t connected to a project on such a personal level until Beyonce’s latest album, 4.

Maybe it’s the place I am in my life right now. The “what-if’s” and “when I grow up’s” are being replaced by real life experiences. 4 is filled with power, confidence, and sexiness, a project totally fueled by love. Newly separated from dad and manager Matthew Knowles, the project’s creative limitless is apparent. I’ve always had trouble connecting to the prim package, since her days in Destiny’s Child. But 4 finally feels like a glimpse of Beyonce. The music she listens to, the moves that inspire her, and the fashion she loves. And of course, she’s inspired by the love that started making its way into her music circa Dangerously In Love, and has now come full circle. The result is a memorable project bound for Grammy’s and accolades, and a raised bar for the King herself.

The lead single, “Girls (Who Run The World),” was met with lukewarm buzz from longtime fans, until she brought the track to life with her electrifying Billboard Music Awards performance. Inspired by Fela!, the video features the choreography of Mozambican kwaito dancers Tofo Tofo. Right out the gate, the single set the tone for a groundbreaking sound. The empowering kiss off track,“Best Thing I Never Had,” is the second single. It’s that ultimate feeling when you realize you’re completely over an ex. And for some it may be the inspiration to finally show him the door: Thank God I found the good in goodbye. Preach.

Beyonce brings 4 to life, but it’s the all-star team of writers and producers who give it wings. The brooding “I Miss You” was penned by rising r&b star Frank Ocean. It has the dark moodiness of his previous work. The production gives it an 80s vibe a la Phil Collins and Berlin. N.E.R.D.’s Chad Hugo is behind the rock-tinged and sonically powerful “I Care.” The Dream is responsible for many of the albums shining moments, including the lead single. He wrote “1+1,” further proving that she loves her some Jay-Z. He also wrote “Love On Top,” the feel good track with Tevin Campbell’s “Can We Talk” kind of vibe. I dare you to have a bad day after listening.

It’s safe to say that the album is short on skippable tracks, as hit after hit presents itself. “Countdown” somehow incorporates southern bounce with an island flow. The blazing horns will be a hit with “Crazy In Love” fans, and the Boyz II Men “Motownphilly”sample is pretty genius. It’s a hodgepodge that Beyonce is able to pull off with ease. The album is short on guest appearances, except the Kanye West and Andre 3000 assisted “Party.” Their contributions: another memorable verse from 3000, and the term “swagu” from Mr. West.

I hate to play favorites in an album review, but 4 has a few tracks that are so special to me. “Rather Die Young” is one of them. It starts off like something you’d hear in a smokey lounge, then the beat kicks in and Beyonce powers right through: You’re my James Dean. You make me feel like I’m seventeen. The urgency in her tone and the dreaminess of the lyrics sums up the whirlwind of a new romance.

The other is “End Of Time.” She brought it to life on the BET Awards with MJ meets Fela Kuti moves. The Brazilian beat is so massive, yet the lyrics have the simplest heartfelt of meanings: I’ll be your baby, promise not to let you go. Love carries the track. Whenever I hear it, I can just imagine being on a crowded dance floor that disappears as you’re wrapped in the arms of the one in you love, swaying to the beat.

Finally, the Diane Warren penned “I Was Here” means the most to me. It’s a testament of what Beyonce has accomplished, all before the age of 30. Sampling Trent Reznor’s “Hand Covers Bruise” is as sonically brilliant as it is heartfelt: I just want them to know, that I gave my all, did my best, brought someone some happiness. A life well lived, and filled with love, is probably anyone’s greatest aspiration.

Beyonce’s 4 is her best to date. Emotion meets world sounds meets incredible vocal power, King B. is in a class all by herself.

Aim for my heart, if you feel like…

Wherever Christina’s voice goes, I follow.

The Voice cohosts join forces for a sexy summer anthem.

I wanna go all the way
Taking out my freak tonight…

Britney takes on the paparazzi in her new video, “I Wanna Go.” The Femme Fatale takes the title very seriously, crotch grabbing and flashing anyone who gets in her way.

Special shouts to the adorably twisted Mickey Mouse cropped tee nodding her MMC roots.

Writing utensils you see
Such as my typewriter in the corner…

In my NYU dorm room once upon a time, Songs In A Minor was my study soundtrack. It’s hard to believe that it’s been ten years since my freshman year, and the world’s introduction to the dynamic Alicia Keys.

In celebration of the album’s 10th anniversary, Songs In A Minor will be re-released next Tuesday. “Typewriter” is featured as a bonus track.

I found love darling,
Love in the nick of time…

This morning I stumbled upon Bon Iver’s new remake of Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” and “Nick Of Time.” His brilliant acoustic version strips the melody and the lyrics soar.

And if that doesn’t get you right there, check out his performance on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, where he brought his uniqueness to Donny Hathaway’s “A Song For You.”

No drug around quite like what I found in you…

Talk about highly anticipated. Indie alterna-r&b songwriter Frank Ocean has quite the buzz circulating, ever since his mixtape, Nostalgia, Ultra, scorched the internet.

A slew of unreleased music and videos have been circulating, but it seems like the official clip for the sexy single “Novacane” has arrived.

Video Premiere: Frank Ocean: “Novacane”

Stand, you’re gonna run again…

Lenny Kravitz is back with the feel-good anthem, “Stand.” The summery track has a Jack Johnson vibe, and is the first single from his upcoming album Black & White America.

Thank God I found the good in goodbye…

It’s June, the month of Beyonce, and the music keeps on coming. Her official second single, “Best Thing I Never Had,” has surfaced. Written by Babyface, the track is an “Irreplaceable” 2.0.

Nothing feels better than clarity. What an empowering feeling.